Today I want to talk to you about the 5 Love Languages. Knowing what type of language you speak allows you to give and receive the exact type of love you need most. Clif and I have been focusing on the five different types of love language and really discussing what type of lover we are. Through this we discovered that the type of love we were showing, was actually what we wanted to receive ourselves, not necessarily what each other needed. More specifically we were able to determine how we could best love one another.While each person needs a bit of every type of love language, I am sure you’ll find, upon examination, that one of these is more important to you than the rest.
What are the 5 Love Languages?
Words of Affirmation: Do you need to hear that you are doing a good job in whatever you do? Do small words of praise absolutely make your day? Does the absence of praise make you feel as though you aren’t doing a good job, or does it make you feel undervalued? In this particular case actions may not always speak louder than your spouses words. And words won’t be easily forgotten. A person who’s love language is words of affirmation needs to -hear- that they are doing a good job. Don’t always expect this person to know you love them, tell them often.
Quality Time: Do you and your spouse fight and at the end one of you screams “I just wanted to spend more time with you!” Quality Time may be your love language! The person who speaks this language needs strict one-on-one, no-interruptions time with their spouse. If you’re that person’s better half create a date night, or schedule a dinner once a week where you and your spouse can reconnect. Scheduling time for this person shows that they are more important in your life than everything else.
Receiving Gifts: The spouse who likes to receive gifts isn’t a materialistic person. This person thinks more about the forethought that went into the gift than the actual receiving. Spouses if your better half likes to receive gifts, and you don’t pay attention to what they like, you may inadvertently hurt their feelings. Giving a thoughtless gift, or giving a gift too late may make this person feel unappreciated. A spouse that speaks this love language needs the small affirmations, or tokens of affection to feel truly loved. Think wildflowers picked along the road, coupons for a great massage… it is the thought that counts here!
Acts of Service: Acts of service can definitely be an affirmation of love. A spouse speaking this particular love language just needs to know that you’re willing to jump in and help out from time to time. Offer to vacuum the floors, bathe the kids, or do the laundry. Small acts of courtesy make this spouse’s heart swell. It goes without saying that if you are a spouse that speaks the quality time language, helping the acts of service spouse is the easiest way to get what you both want.
Physical Touch: We should not overlook this love language, because physical touch isn’t only what happens in the bedroom. Some spouses need a hug, a quick pat on the back, or some other physical touch to get through their day. If by chance you forget a kiss you could wound this person deeply. Slow down..take the time, hug your spouse and say, I love you!
I had no idea before a few weeks ago that there were 5 Love Languages. Now that Clif and I are learning, we have opened up communication in our marriage, and we can supply each others needs. While each of us enjoys aspects of each language we both primarily speak a different one.
I am a words of affirmation spouse. I need to know that my ideas are good, that Clif enjoyed dinner. I need to hear his feelings… and that’s not always easy for him. Clif on the other hand is a physical touch spouse and he’s always poking, prodding, or trying to touch me in some way. Until we figured this out, these areas caused little speed bumps in our marriage. I felt unappreciated, and felt like he was always pestering me. Now that I know he needs physical touch to feel like things are OK, I make sure to rub his back or stop what I am doing to hug him. He knows now that I need to hear that I am appreciated, and he goes out of his way to tell me how he feels. As we go through these changes the lines of communication have opened up in our marriage and each of us is getting exactly what we need.
New Hope Forever a ministry led by Pastor Buck Marshall, in Ennis Texas, did a teaching on the 5 Love Languages, and strengthening your marriage by speaking your spouses language. The basis for these teachings is a book written by Dr. Gary Chapman. If you want to learn how to speak your spouses language I’d encourage you to watch the videos together, or read the book.
If you’d like to watch the videos visit the link to New Hope Forever’s media page and look for the videos entitled “5 Love Languages.” One of our New Years Resolutions was to grow our marriage and spend more time together. Just because we are in the same house together, doesn’t always mean we are in one accord. These videos have helped us take a serious look at our marriage, and start speaking the language each other needed to hear. Remember, we often show love the way we would like to receive love, and the message you thought you were sending may be getting lost in translation.
I’m gonna have to sit down and discuss this w/the hubster. I am definitely a cross between words of affirmation and physical touch (leaning more toward the former). I think it’s important to be willing to respond to our partner’s language. Just b/c it’s probably not the same as our own doesn’t mean that it doesn’t need validation.
Arnebya,
I think you are absolutely right about responding to our partners. Its not that we don’t show love, but that we could be showing the type of love that doesn’t speak as loudly to them. While each type is important, if I don’t stop what I’m doing and hug my husband or play back with him, he feels neglected and that is NEVER my intention. Now that I know, he’s smiling